wtf, mate?

i'm sitting in an establishment called "the frothy monkey" in nashville, on 12th street. though the name makes me think of a horny and/or rabid monkey, it really seems quite nice. (i'm sure they appreciate the fact that i'm making fun of their name on their free wireless.)

it's a coffeehouse. the monkey theme is b/c they have banana in a lot of their drinks. i've never thought of that. i've thought before that chocolate and fruit can be good. also, chocolate and coffee are good. but coffee, fruit flavor, and chocolate together? a monkey mocha, so to speak? genius!

i'm drinking one right now.

the whole reason i came here is to write my purpose statement. i'm trying to get into grad school, and i'm not sure why anymore. this is the most concerted effort i've tried to make as far as applying to grad school, and my mind is racing ahead of my hands and the words always fail to make it on the page. i see flashes of perfect paragraphs, complete for just a moment in my head. and then they're gone, and though i can capture the spirit and essence of those words again, the words themselves have vanished back into my subconscious, to brood and be rude and atler my attitude towards the crude viscitudes and scoff at the unreachable intellectual altitudes i venerate and the vestitudes of the professorial fig'res i have in mind, and the thoughts delude and dilute my eyes, my mind, my memory. god help me, all i really want to be is me or never me.